God’s faithfulness

In September 2019, I had turned in my notice at an organization that I loved but sensed I was being called to something new. The problem was, I didn’t yet know what that new thing was. I also didn’t know how long we could afford for me to be unemployed as my oldest had just started college. Was I just being flaky?

Then, I opened my phone one morning to check the temperature. Though it was sunny, I was going to be outdoors and needed to know what to wear. What came up on my phone was the image I posted with this blog. I was shocked. It was as if God was saying, “I see what you’re going through. You aren’t flaky; it’s real, and I see you.”

Fast forward to my birthday a couple months later in November, 2019. I was on my morning walk when I recorded the following memo in my phone. As you read it, consider all that God is allowing me to do now - 4 years later- in a ministry I love with people I adore.

Nov. 18, 2019. My spiritual receptors have felt dull lately. I feel like I’m conjuring things up out of compulsion and fear of disobedience instead of hearing God’s voice and responding in love.

So this could just be me, self-soothing this morning on my walk because I’m sad that I woke up on my 50th birthday and Kevin is out of town and I have a service experience this afternoon for work that I’m dreading because I’m not good with this sort of thing…

But a thought came to me and if by some chance it’s from God, I want to share it with a couple of people because I promised the Lord I would make no plans until I took a couple months off [meaning I wouldn’t rush into the next thing out of fear of being unemployed]. But I’m afraid if I don’t tell someone I will forget. Even if I write it in my journal I may not look back and see it.

So please hang onto this and in a few months ask me about it. If it’s not of the Lord it will have fallen to the ground on its own:

I have to get a new email address, I’ve had my work email for 7 years. So, I was trying to decide whether I should purchase a special one because if I get a free Google or Yahoo with Melissa Jones in it, such a common name, it would attach various numbers and letters. The address that came to me was Mj@JesusExpedition.com [this was the first time the name Jesus Expedition had came to me].

And a seed of what I believe might be my ministry has come to me as well: A Jesus expedition: A journey to the heart of Jesus through study of the word, contemplative prayer, and the occasional expedition with spiritual community.

Again all of this may just be [my own thoughts]. But if it’s the seed of something [from God], then I want to plant it and let it germinate for a few months, not sit on a shelf and die.

Thank you for holding onto this for me. Maybe even water it with your prayers letting the Lord know that if it’s not of him, to please let me know. Thank you I love you so much.

I’m not sure who I sent this to. If I had to guess it was probably Jill and Sara. But today, on my 54th birthday, as I was heading out on my walk, the Lord reminded me of this memo. I had to go searching through 150 memos to find it and I wasn’t even sure if it really existed. But there it was.

I would begin Jesus Expedition in Jan. 2022, a little over two years later after this memo was created. The time between felt long and sometimes excruciating. Yet God was faithful. He did not let that seed sit on a shelf forever or fall to the ground and die, but let it germinate.

Dear friend, if you are in the in between, and it seems long and hard, that doesn’t mean it won’t come to fruition in God’s perfect timing. Share your God-given dreams with a safe confidant.

And remember, it’s good to go back and read your journals. It’s a balm of sorts to remember the good things spoken to us by our God. Even if we aren’t totally sure it’s Him speaking at the time we wrote it.

Lord, I marvel at your faithfulness. The plans You have for me, for those I love, and for all Your children will not be thwarted. You are so good. I love you and I praise You for You are holy and worthy of praise. And I thank You for all You have done for me. Amen!